A few years ago my favorite song to play in the car was “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe.   If you aren’t familiar with the song, here are the lyrics:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
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You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

As I listened to this song I can remember praying to God that I could have this kind of faith.  That I could go through the rain in life, {trials, suffering, pain, hardship, brokenness…} with a faith and trust that would show his immense glory.  I asked to learn how to solely depend on him and to experience life in a way where he would be the only thing that I could rely on for strength, security and hope {oh silly silly me. Funny enough, a pastor was once preaching about how no foolish person would ever ask God to put them through storms. I literally laughed out loud in my seat…this foolish girl did}.  I can safely say that I do believe for the first time in the past two months, that my rain has finally ceased.  {thank you Lord!!! bring on the sunshine!!}  Now looking back into that rainy {often tsunami like} season, I see what God brought me through and why he brought me through it.

I have shared a few things that I learned through that time, {my identity, wholeness, God’s immense love for me} but I have recently hit another epiphany.

As I prayed the prayer of this song, I longed for the wholeness that came with its truth.  I was aiming at obtaining a faith that was whole {a faith that was powerful and strong even in the midst of awful circumstances} and reaching a new level of trust in my redeemer.  In essence, I was ready to be filled.  Filled with life, filled with faith and filled with the Holy Spirit.  On the other hand…I never considered that in order for me to be filled……..I had to be empty first.

God wanted me to be filled.  He wanted me {more than I even did} to have this powerfully strong relationship with him.  A relationship so unbreakable that nothing in the world could lessen it’s strength….not a job, not finances, not family or friends, not even an identity crisis.  For me to experience that kind of faith, I literally had to have it all momentarily taken away.  I truly had my life ripped apart at the seams.  I had my legs kicked out from underneath me, so that I physically fell on my knees before my Savior.

I knelt on my bedroom floor, a sobbing mess, day after day. I was alone. scared. hopeless. insecure. {you name it, i felt it} I think I experienced every negative emotion under the sun…from severe depression to insecurity and worthlessness. I was absolutely empty.

I don’t think that it was ever God’s intention for me to feel like that.  He was simply giving me what I prayed for.  But in order for me to experience the faith that I begged God to have, I had to experience the rain {or the torrential downpour}.  For me to have an unconditional trust in God, I had to have everything else that I also placed my trust in taken away, so that he was the only thing left.

Now, did I enjoy going through this season? {heck no!!!}  Did I enjoy the tears, sorrow and emptiness I had to endure? {again..heck no!!!}  But you know what? I’m so thankful for it all.  Because when I felt like I had nothing left to give, no more tears to cry, no more strength to stand….God became my everything. {I am literally tearing up as I type this…I wish I could convey the emotion I feel about this}  God took his place in my life as my source of life.  He picked me up from my pool of tears, and opened my eyes to his love and compassion, and showed me my place in him as his daughter.  {…just some of the truths that I learned in this process}

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in life, as we pursue Jesus and as we long to have strong, unbreakable faith in God, the process isn’t just about fulfilling our desires.  It’s about becoming absolutely empty before our creator and savior, so that he is the only one who can fill us back up.  And that isn’t a bad thing; in fact, it’s a beautiful thing.  I can tell you from experience; I wouldn’t trade my storm for anything.  I can’t even fathom living for the rest of my life with the faith I had before the rain hit.  The truth that I have received, the intensely strong relationship with my savior and the level of faith that I have grown into is so worth the pain and suffering I endured to receive it.

Maybe you’re in the process of being emptied.  Or maybe you are on your knees on your bedroom floor surrounded by a pool of your tears, completely empty.  

I want to tell you.

 It’s going to get better.  God will step in.  When we are empty, on our knees before our Savior…it is the perfect position for him to come and pick us back up.  

Keep your faith, whatever may be left, cast it all on him.  

Trust your creator, he knows what he is doing.

This storm won’t last forever; the rain always stops.  And when it does stop….you will see the incredible Son shining in his glory.