The summer after I graduated college was intense, to put it lightly.  I was newly engaged with a degree in hand, working as a part-time nanny and pool snack shack cashier. In a season of being freshly engaged and graduated, you’d think I was basking in the beautiful world of sunshine and roses.  But it was far from that. To make a long story incredibly short- my fiancé was deeply struggling.  It seemed that the moment we got engaged, a switch flipped inside of him and many of his inner battles began to work themselves out in his words and actions.  That summer, we spent most days fighting for one reason or another.

It was so hard watching the man I was supposed to marry become so consumed by the lies of the enemy to the point of absolute toxicity in our relationship. And that’s all I could do- just watch as our relationship became more and more unhealthy- full of pain, distrust, and complete heartbreak.  While the hopes of marriage and a beautiful, godly life together swirled in my dreams- every day the reality of our relationship mocked and tainted those very images.

Eventually, as with every unhealthy relationship, there comes a point where the poison seeps out onto everything it touches.  Toxicity doesn’t stay contained.  My relationship started to slowly poison my relationship with my family and friends- until we reached a point that it was just him and I isolated and alone.

I will never forget the day the Lord spoke into the devastation of my situation.  Standing in my room, crying, praying, begging to know what God wanted me to do. I wanted to be faithful to what He called me to, and experience peace through the journey. In desperation, I opened my bible and there it landed on Jeremiah 33.  So I read,

“Nevertheless, the time will come when I will heal Jerusalem’s wounds and give it prosperity and true peace. ⁷ I will restore the fortunes of Judah and Israel and rebuild their towns. ⁸ I will cleanse them of their sins against me and forgive all their sins of rebellion. ⁹ Then this city will bring me joy, glory, and honor before all the nations of the earth! The people of the world will see all the good I do for my people, and they will tremble with awe at the peace and prosperity I provide for them.

¹⁰ “This is what the Lord says: You have said, ‘This is a desolate land where people and animals have all disappeared.’ Yet in the empty streets of Jerusalem and Judah’s other towns, there will be heard once more ¹¹ the sounds of joy and laughter. The joyful voices of bridegrooms and brides will be heard again, along with the joyous songs of people bringing thanksgiving offerings to the Lord. They will sing,

‘Give thanks to the Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
for the Lord is good.
His faithful love endures forever!’

For I will restore the prosperity of this land to what it was in the past, says the Lord.” (Jeremiah 33: 6-11 NLT)

At the time, I had no real understanding of the people of Israel and their story with the Lord. I didn’t fully grasp the context of this verse, but I knew what the Lord was speaking.  I knew the promise He was declaring. In the midst of the relational heartbreak and pain, I knew that God would redeem it.  He would rebuild the places of desolation and destruction, He would bring joy and thanksgiving to the places where tears and cries once echoed.  He would cleanse the sin and usher in forgiveness. He would restore the areas of pain- in order that His name would be glorified. The Lord declared that there would be such restoration that His work would bring, ‘joy, glory, and honor before all the nations of the earth!’ (v.9) And even further, ’the people of the world will see all the good I do for my people, and they will tremble with awe at the peace and prosperity I provide for them.” (v.9)

There are so many people in such relational heartbreak in this season- from marriages that are facing intense tension to friendships being recklessly divided, or family units crumbling under the weight of hardship.  You may be there, in the valley of relational devastation. It’s not just that pain has occurred- but it’s taken the breath right out of you. And now you question how God could redeem this relationship that is this bad.

But I want to tell you, as a woman who has seen the restorative power of the Lord- no situation is too far gone, too broken, too ‘bad’ for the Lord to step in with power and love to redeem it.  God’s desire is unity and reconciliation, His heart is for oneness and redemption. Because He wants His renown, glory, and honor to sweep through every sphere that witnesses the relational miracle that only He can accomplish. Your testimony isn’t just for your benefit and joy- it’s one of the greatest tools to show off His love to the world.

With that, I want to share three pieces of advice that I would have wanted someone to share with me as I walked through that season of life. And this is what I feel the Lord speaking in this season, to you.

1.Ask yourself- did I bring this to the Lord to get His thoughts on the relationship?

Spoiler- the man I was engaged to in this story is not my husband. I broke up with my ex-fiance 1.5 years following that summer, after walking through even more trying seasons. For a solid month, the Lord prompted me to get on my knees and ask Him what to do about the relationship.  And every night I heard the word, ‘obey.’ I knew that the Lord was calling me to ‘obey’ in breaking up with him because he wasn’t supposed to be my husband.  It was scary and liberating at the same time, but I knew that once I consulted the Lord, that was the final word about the relationship.

So I want to ask you- in your relationship, have you sincerely asked the Lord what HE thinks? Have you taken a moment, maybe to get on your knees to consult your Savior and Redeemer to understand His directives for this person?
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2. Understand that God loves and cherishes the other person because they are His children.

After I broke up with my ex-fiance, I was in such fear of his reactions after I was gone. I was terrified he would continue to spiral downward on the wrong path. The very night I obeyed God’s command to break up, I got on my knees and gave him fully to the Lord. In that prayerful release, I knew that the Lord was affirming that my ex-fiance was His child, and ultimately, he belonged to Him. In my obedience, I had to trust that the Lord would pursue and protect him as well.  In relationships, all we can do is take responsibility for what we are called to do.  We can’t control other people, their responses, or their reactions.  But what we can do is be obedient and faithful to what God calls us to do, and give the other person into His faithful hands. He cares about the other person more than you do, and we have to believe firmly that God will pursue those that He loves.

3. Cling to the hope of restoration.

God loves to restore and mend broken things. And often He restores things in better condition than we ever knew was possible! I would never have thought that the redemption to this relationship would include a different man to be my husband (who is off the charts amazing- he’s the one in the featured picture for this post). In my limited perspective on the relationship, I thought that restoration could only be my ex and I smoothing things over. But God had better, more beautiful plans in mind. Because sometimes His glorious redemption looks different than we pictured from our human perspective.

I have seen God work to bring deep healing in my family, gift me with incredible rewards for the pain I endured, and a message of hope through my testimony that has already impacted countless people.  I want to tell you- even if you feel like hope has been long gone, HOPE is living inside of you through Christ.  He has BEAUTIFUL plans of redemption for you. Keep enduring through this season of heartbreak. Keep pressing DEEPLY into Jesus. Keep surrendering your relationship and that person to the Lord.  Keep asking and seeking His word and command- and be obedient to follow.  The Bible tells us that God works for our good, so we can rest in the fact that if it doesn’t feel good, He certainly isn’t done working.

P.S. Looking for the first step in your healing journey?  The Scars of Grace study will walk you step-by-step through God’s grace and how it intersects your life to bring restoration.

Photo Credit: Apricity Photography