A guest blog by our lovely Community Curator, Janella Fox. Read on!

When a relationship in life is turning unhealthy, what should you do?

We may have all asked this question at least once in our lifetime.  We encounter people every day, whether it be new friendships, romantic relationships, or family relationships.  So, naturally, it is a question that may come up.  The relationship is going great until one day they start to hurt us, blame us for their pain, curse at us, or ignore us. As good Christians, we often feel the need to suck it up, take the punches, and continue to love them for Jesus’ sake. Or we may one day break and realize we just cannot do it anymore, and therefore, might have to deal with lasting unforgiveness towards them.

Could there be an exact answer to this common relationship problem?

I have heard this question asked many times at church and conference event panels.  People want to know what to do and when to say enough is enough.  What if it is a family member and we cannot just abandon them even though their actions and words are impacting our lives in a negative way?

The most common and even best answer I often hear these pastors and leaders give is this: “Pray. Ask God for specifics about what you should do in that relationship.”

I used to hate that answer, “Pray and ask God,” and it sure has been a journey figuring out its meaning. But after seeking more wisdom and naturally experiencing “trial-and-error” relationships, I now see that it is the greatest and wisest answer ever given to us.

It is the greatest answer because only God knows exactly what to do. He made every human being unique and He knows His creation best. Relationships go case by case and that is why we need God. Not just because He ultimately knows better, but because He is love and “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:16). It is much more difficult to do a relationship well and with confidence without God’s love.

When seeking the Lord in this area, ask Him for advice. I don’t have all the answers of course, but from what I have learned in my own life and other counsel, God wants to be involved.

Here are three questions you can ask God when approaching unhealthy relationships:

1. Should I distance myself?

Sometimes a person’s process is much different from yours. That person may be dealing with a lot of pain and unfortunately, they are taking things out on you. If it starts to become toxic, there is no better time to ask the Lord if you should be physically present in their lives or if you should distance yourself and pray for them instead.

1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'”

Sometimes you will quickly know that you need to distance yourself from them by how you are reacting to their hurtful words and actions. If someone is bringing you down with them, you may not be in a place where you can continue to take on their burdens as your own. Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The more negativity they give you, the more it may affect your heart, and thus forgiving them will become all the more challenging.

The Bible doesn’t say that love means letting others beat you down, so they can feel better about themselves. If that were the case, then you would always be in the dumps, which is not the type of life God intended for you to live. He loves you way too much to see you down like that. On top of that, how will you impact others for Jesus when you see yourself so little?  Don’t let yourself get to that point and certainly don’t let others get you to that point. Proverbs 22:24, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”

It is okay to distance yourself from unhealthy people and relationships. They are not meant to pour into your lives, and they are not meant to stand beside you in this season. Maybe you are meant to pour into their lives but at an arm’s length. Even if they don’t know that, you at least will know so you can continue to love them without your heart being open and vulnerable to the pain they may bring.
One very important medication which has gained great popularity in the recent times is Kamagra. cheap sildenafil In the 1976 Presidential election, Republican 50mg viagra sale President Gerald R. If bedroom is the place of getting closed for many cheap viagra pfizer couples, it is also a place of separation for many others. Weaknesses buy sildenafil canada focused on greed, jealousy or a feeling of insecurity are brought down or reduced.
Distancing yourself from someone does not mean that you are not loving them. In fact, it means you have enough love and respect for yourself and them by setting a standard of how people are allowed to treat you. This may even help them in the long run to learn maturity in how they treat future relationships.

Distancing also does not mean we give up on them completely. God never gives up on us. Love never gives up. There are ways to continue loving people which are safer for our hearts.

2. How do I continue to show them love?

Prayer and intercession. These are keys to breakthrough.

We do not need to take on guilt that we are distancing ourselves, but instead, we can take on prayer. It is not our job to change someone. The Holy Spirit will take care of that, and people still must choose for themselves. We cannot make a choice for someone else to be loving and to seek Jesus. We can only choose to control ourselves. And we can choose to pray. Praying is an act of love, and love is an action. It never gives up hope.

Ephesians 4:2, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Continue to love them when they are around. And if they are angry and will not speak with you, love them anyway. Call them. Reach out to them. Let them know that you are still with them, and if they need anything, you will be there for them the best you can. 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

This may look like a back and forth between being distant and being physically present in their lives.  But by faith, one day grace will come and grant you the power to impact that person again. And when the time comes for them to come back into your life, they will know that they can trust you. Your consistency in always being there for them, even at a distance, will show them that you are one who truly loves well.

3. What can I pray and intercede for them in this season?

Intentionally, go into a time of intercession for that person. Ask the Lord what to pray.

1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Maybe that person is going through pain and hardship in their relationships because of fear. Invite Jesus to come into their lives and cast out fear so they may know his true love.

Or maybe, they need a point of breakdown in their lives to completely surrender to Christ. A wise woman once said, “Your breakthrough may come as a breakdown where you need to get on the floor and cry out to God, ‘I just need you.'”

As I still pray for my own family members, this prayer comes to mind: “Lord, break down her heart, so that you may build it back up into wholeness, the way you intended for her heart to live. But while in that breakdown, where she can’t turn anywhere but to you, may she also remember that we are always there for her with open arms and consistent love. Amen.”

JANELLA FOX is a passionate ministry leader from Cleveland, Ohio and serves as our Community Curator.  She began writing for her mother, and in doing this, found her passion for writing. She graduated from Ohio Northern University in 2014 with a bachelor’s in psychology and went on to complete two years of BSSM ministry school.  Janella is newly married to her husband, Nate, and serving the Lord in various ministries.